Ladies!!! Did You Know?
Having a man fall head over heels for you is a lot easier
than you think.
First, let me say that you can't actually make a man love
you, but you certainly can inspire his love for you. This is important to
remember for many reasons, mostly because a lot of women think they can somehow
earn a man's love by putting lots of energy into the dating connection.
Unluckily for them, love doesn't work this way.
1. Stop chasing him.
Exerting effort in the relationship doesn't work, but
what does work is allowing the man to roll up his sleeves and earn your respect
and affections. Men like to provide; it makes them feel worthy and validated in
their manhood when they can be of service to a woman.
When you chase a man and do all the servicing in the relationship, you take
away his need for responsibility and desire to please you. Most men don't feel
comfortable when the woman is doing all the work. They either get lazy about
deepening the connection, not sure of their natural place in the relationship,
or they leave.
2. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
The fastest way to make a man love
you is to earn his respect and awe. A woman who knows her
boundaries can demurely and simply communicate them, and can stick to
enforcing them will do just this.
I spent years afraid to speak up, thinking that a man would dump me if I
said something that upset him. And I mistakenly assumed that most everything
would upset men — a desire to take things slow sexually, a desire to spend more
time together, a desire to be called back within a few hours and not after a
few days.
What ended up happening? I turned into a doormat, and doormats are
angry. It's a very powerless position to be in. I ended up having an angry vibe
about me that came across as brittle and needy. Plus, when I did try to
communicate, my message was indecipherable and men got confused about what I
wanted. It's best to be honest, direct and get straight to the point.
3. Stop talking and start listening.
Women have a lot to say and we need a man to listen to all our issues.
However, men need to talk, too. And often times we miss a man's cues to be
heard because they're much more subtle. A guy isn't going to say, "Can you
please listen to me?" or, "Can I tell you all about my day?"
But he does desperately want you to listen when he shares a story or asks
your advice on something. He needs you to stop what you're doing (put the
phone, your workload, the dishes, or child down) and hear him out. He needs you
to listen with more than your ears and hear past his spoken words.
He also needs you to validate him often. Say, "I'm proud of you for
that," "Sounds like you did the right thing," or, "I love
the way you tell a funny story."
4. You completely must love yourself first.
A man falls in love with you the
more you fall in love with yourself. So few women have self-confidence and
self-esteem. Regardless of how you lost your self-belief, it's your job to fall
back in love with that sexy goddess in the mirror.
Feelings of self-loathing aren't attractive. Low levels of self-love not
only affect the way you move, have sex, socialize and share your feelings;
you're also more likely to smother a man with neediness if you have a bad
self-image.
If you can't feel good about yourself, you're going to look to a man to be
your mirror. Soon, you're going to be constantly seeking out love and
validation at a rate that he can't keep up; soon, your desire for a sweet
compliment will feel like a demand to him.
5. Make softer your edges.
A good number of men like soft
booties and soft hearts. Just like they want to curl up next to your smooth,
tender curves, they also want to feel like your energy is calm and
approachable.
Take a deep breath and think about a litter of puppies climbing all over
you and licking your face. Their heartfelt bellies, furry paws and wobbly walk Aww.
You feel expressively lighter, right? Well, next time you're with your man,
smile and get to that puppy-litter place.
I don't just advise you do this when
things are rosy in your relationship; do it when things are awful, too. You can
still have calm energy and a happy heart when you're mad as hell. It takes
practice and trust, but it's doable and it's so important.
It shows a man that you're an emotionally safe place for him. A lot of men
are afraid of women, while women are scared of a man's physical size and
booming voice. They're afraid of our emotions; they don't want to disappoint us
or be shamed by us in a midst of an emotional outburst.
A woman with intense,
erratic energy can make a man run, fast.
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